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Please Insert Disc 2
So, remember all that about moving and then not doing so? Well, as fate would have it, a new place opened up in the complex I wanted to move into. It's a large, spacious, 2,560 sqft. monster of an apartment, in which I will soon be cohabitating with three other dragons you may already know and love. Oops.
But yes, that. This will mark the first time I've ever moved into a shared setting where I have every intention of being social, and I'd like to talk about it.
It seems odd that this would be a milestone for me, yet it is. I've lived in shared living situations before (arguably, for most of my life in Florida), yet I've always, always kept to myself. A large part of this has to do with my identification as a dragon, which kills camaraderie dead when the insults and threats against my intelligence or mental stability come out. Which isn't to say I've ever received them, but given the weird, non-standard, deep spiritual identity as a big hissy golden lizard, I can see why most people would find me a bit odd.
This persisted at my last gig, actually. While I'd been living communally with my mate and a fascinating assortment of friends, beyond my mate we didn't deeply connect. I liked every single one of them personally, but ultimately I just couldn't hit it off, leading me to spend disproportionate amounts of time on solitary walks or hiding in my then-room. Again, oops.
So, it brings me great joy that I'm going into this new gig with my spirits high and every intention of making the most of the experience. Going through my mental notes, I realize I've never had this in my adult life. As a child, certainly -- I was quite whimsical before age 13 -- but somewhere along the journey, my sense of wonder and intrigue was notably squelched. I'm glad I've found it again, reverting me to my old, Calvin-and-Hobbes-esque esoterically-logical self, which has not only made me increasingly social and sociable, but also restored many of my higher order skills. It's fascinating to me that what most would class as a regression is to me a breakthrough. Oops, yet again.
There are limits, though, and I know that while I'm riding the high of a new experience now, it won't all be peaches and roses. For one, it's has caused me to deeply desire social things in ways I did not previously. My purchase of a Droid 2 was a clue, my random purchases of gifts a pattern, and my newly-minted, deep desire to commission artists beyond the standard portrait of myself, in addition to desiring that others will do this for me someday, borders on deeply worrying. My mind has clearly restructured itself, exposing raw all of the crevasses I'd previously filled with nihilism or petty excuses.
Now, for the first time, I'm feeling pangs of jealousy and regret for keeping so much to myself, which should actually turn out for the better. It means I'm allowing myself to grow again.
So, overall, I think this is a major transition for my life. For the first time since I was very young, the balance has tipped from spending the majority of my time hiding from the world to actively seeking out new experiences and being myself. It is, in a word, refreshing. And it is in many words very exciting to me.
---
Oh, about the mental disability thing. It turns out the answer was very simple: I have the early stages of metabolic syndrome, which runs in my family line. If correct, the salinary problems are tied to this, and the fix is increased exercise (check), reduced sodium (check), and no intake of refined sugars (double check). As this already mirrors my recent changes to my regimen, I am very happy, and indeed have been feeling much better.
Also, as an experiment, this post is also going public. I find this is also refreshing: I no longer fear people reading my personal thoughts as I once did. If you desire a more private space to discuss anything related to the post, though, ping me and I'll follow up with a post containing the right permissions.
As a second experiment, my standard editing double-pass will not be happening with this post. We'll see how it works for me: being able to pound out more content, at the possible expense of a broken sentence or two, is why I gravitate more toward IRC than journalspace. If I can make my journal work with my conversational style, you might actually see me post interesting things here -- which would be a definite plus.
But yes, that. This will mark the first time I've ever moved into a shared setting where I have every intention of being social, and I'd like to talk about it.
It seems odd that this would be a milestone for me, yet it is. I've lived in shared living situations before (arguably, for most of my life in Florida), yet I've always, always kept to myself. A large part of this has to do with my identification as a dragon, which kills camaraderie dead when the insults and threats against my intelligence or mental stability come out. Which isn't to say I've ever received them, but given the weird, non-standard, deep spiritual identity as a big hissy golden lizard, I can see why most people would find me a bit odd.
This persisted at my last gig, actually. While I'd been living communally with my mate and a fascinating assortment of friends, beyond my mate we didn't deeply connect. I liked every single one of them personally, but ultimately I just couldn't hit it off, leading me to spend disproportionate amounts of time on solitary walks or hiding in my then-room. Again, oops.
So, it brings me great joy that I'm going into this new gig with my spirits high and every intention of making the most of the experience. Going through my mental notes, I realize I've never had this in my adult life. As a child, certainly -- I was quite whimsical before age 13 -- but somewhere along the journey, my sense of wonder and intrigue was notably squelched. I'm glad I've found it again, reverting me to my old, Calvin-and-Hobbes-esque esoterically-logical self, which has not only made me increasingly social and sociable, but also restored many of my higher order skills. It's fascinating to me that what most would class as a regression is to me a breakthrough. Oops, yet again.
There are limits, though, and I know that while I'm riding the high of a new experience now, it won't all be peaches and roses. For one, it's has caused me to deeply desire social things in ways I did not previously. My purchase of a Droid 2 was a clue, my random purchases of gifts a pattern, and my newly-minted, deep desire to commission artists beyond the standard portrait of myself, in addition to desiring that others will do this for me someday, borders on deeply worrying. My mind has clearly restructured itself, exposing raw all of the crevasses I'd previously filled with nihilism or petty excuses.
Now, for the first time, I'm feeling pangs of jealousy and regret for keeping so much to myself, which should actually turn out for the better. It means I'm allowing myself to grow again.
So, overall, I think this is a major transition for my life. For the first time since I was very young, the balance has tipped from spending the majority of my time hiding from the world to actively seeking out new experiences and being myself. It is, in a word, refreshing. And it is in many words very exciting to me.
---
Oh, about the mental disability thing. It turns out the answer was very simple: I have the early stages of metabolic syndrome, which runs in my family line. If correct, the salinary problems are tied to this, and the fix is increased exercise (check), reduced sodium (check), and no intake of refined sugars (double check). As this already mirrors my recent changes to my regimen, I am very happy, and indeed have been feeling much better.
Also, as an experiment, this post is also going public. I find this is also refreshing: I no longer fear people reading my personal thoughts as I once did. If you desire a more private space to discuss anything related to the post, though, ping me and I'll follow up with a post containing the right permissions.
As a second experiment, my standard editing double-pass will not be happening with this post. We'll see how it works for me: being able to pound out more content, at the possible expense of a broken sentence or two, is why I gravitate more toward IRC than journalspace. If I can make my journal work with my conversational style, you might actually see me post interesting things here -- which would be a definite plus.
no subject
The few glimpses I've had of your thoughts have all been quite sensible and at the same time perfectly acceptable and interesting. If you are going to be able to be more open with them, I'll be looking forward to that.
I hope the process of moving isn't overly traumatic.
no subject
As for moving, it honestly shouldn't be. I've done it enough times over the past year to make it almost pleasant -- once I have a network outpost set up at the new location.
no subject
Thanks for letting me into your space. I promise to behave myself.