goldkin: goldkin tranquil (goldkin tranquil)
At the end of each yearly visit with family, I perform a solemn ritual of leave-taking. It is the time when I mentally and spiritually prepare myself for my goodbyes, pack up my room for another year's hibernation, and spend what few hours remain with family, both human and feline, before saying my farewells.

Each deliverance is harder than the last. For, despite my practiced view of detachment to physical things, the impermanence of my existence and impact on this world settles home when it becomes time to leave. It reminds me that my place is now this continuous walking in and out of the lives of those I care about, and I frankly don't know what to make of it.

Each time, though, I find a little more of myself in the experience. This visit, I found my resolve to confront my family on my mental distress and finally rebuild our lost communication. We still don't see eye-to-eye, but even that small victory, long in coming, is meaningful to me.

And in my first quiet time to reflect since earlier last year, I also found that pithy phrase to define what drives my life: I exist to make this world more elegant and more simple, without sacrifice, by organizing ideas. It seems like such a small thing now, and yet my guiding principles in everything I do, from mathematics to computer science to art and architecture, flow from it. This brings me an increased amount of peace within myself, and next, I shall seek to find why I became this way.

In each leave-taking, there is new sadness. And in each, there is joy in new experience. I do hope 2012 fares well for me. I currently have no plan on what I shall do next, save to be there as the story unfolds.

October 2015

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